Get Your Rupture Preparation K NOW!
Rusty Enterprises Co. Inc. Limited LLC, a very, very limited liability company (RUE), is making plans to sell Rupture kits in preparation for the end of days.
"The end of space/time can seem intimidating without the proper preparation," stated RUE CCC OneEar. "Although we cannot remove all of the anxiety arising from the inevitable impending destruction of the known universe, we aim to fill these final minutes with pleasant memories."
The RUE limited edition Rupture Kit will contain:
- Commemorative "My Family Went Through Armageddon and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" sleeveless t's.
- 3 bottles of scotch, 1 bottle of gin (Warning: gin should be consumed after completing all activities that you want to remember).
- 1 precocious sheep. Admit it, you've always been curious about trying it.
That's it. A t-shirt, a sheep, and 4 bottles of booze. Paaaartay!
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
2 comments:
Hi OneEar,
We might as well paaaartay and try to find some enjoyment; our investments are rapidly becoming worthless and the future isn’t overly optimistic. Market experts say stocks could continue falling until they’ve lost half the value from their peak in last year’s bubble heyday - meaning the bottom might be a Dow Jones industrial average at 7,000. A new economic report yesterday supported such a steep downward spiral by showing a sudden slowdown could hit by Thanksgiving, based on an unexpected doubling of wholesale stockpiles of everything from petroleum and clothing to electronics and cars. Will anyone be able to afford to buy a turkey?
Can I get the Rupture Kit sans the precocious sheep? I’ve never been curious….
litzi, I am disappointed. I would have thunk that you could trust us enough by now to acknowledge your perfectly normal desire to have sexual relations with a (consenting) lamb. For shame.
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