- Fall, 1986 - OneEar breaks the middle joint on his thumb. Bok, practicing medicine without a license (or even a degree in biology or zoology or psychology or whatever he "studied") assures the young, naive OneEar that he can safely play volleyball in a cast.
- Spring, 1987. OneEar falls off of a mountain and is miraculously saved by a vine that catches him by the throat. Bok, again drunk and unlicensed, prescribes OneEar 750 mL bourbon, stat.
- Fall, 1990 - OneEar is forced to have knee surgery due to a rugby injury. Bok's physical therapy regiment consists of climbing the football stadium wall and then hobbling around without crutches.
- Fall, 1992 - OneEar begins suffering from a long and increasingly problematic series of digestive issues which Dok Bok believes to be "restless insides syndrome."
- Spring, 2006. OneEar's symptoms following an incident in which someone falls on his leg during a basketball game include extreme shooting, throbbing ankle pain, extreme swelling, and a "broken ankle-like appearance." Dok Bok diagnoses pancreatitis due to alcohol abuse.
- Spring, 2007. OneEar begins suffering with increasing frequency from what appear from the inside to be heart attacks. Although the incidents are later properly diagnosed by another doctor as atrial fibrillation, Dok Bok chalks it all up to "The Holidays."
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Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Take Two Assburns and Call Me in the Moanin'
For the record, I've decided to document Dok Bok's long and continuing list of misdiagnoses relating to the health of your hero and mine, me.
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23 comments:
hrm. Sounds like DBok is a great doc. Right on the money!!
Hi OneEar,
Despite your assburn and moanin’ after symptoms, I assume Doc Bok’s medical advice was free of charge. You might want to take into account what Doc Bok’s specialty is (proctology? orthopedic surgery? ophthalmology? GYN/OB? dentistry? psychiatry?) and accept that he’s unable to cure every ache and pain that you acquire as you age.
Have you provided him free legal counsel for a malpractice suit???
Thank you for reminding me that I had forgotten to bill Doc Bok for 22 years of legal opinions and advice.
Hello oneear,
First time I ever heard about a lawyer forgetting to bill a client. Figured that was one of those required classes in law school. (I also often wonder why lawyer jokes outnumber all the other professions combined, or so it seems.)
At least Dok Bok’s a friend, and they are sometimes hard to come by! So stay with it.
OneEar:
BAD OneEar, BAD!!!
Litzi,
My heart warms as I read your supportive comments. For the record, OneEar has been giving me bad advice, legal and otherwise, since 1986. He has often thrust it upon me, despite protests. The tally of the fines and late penalties that he has incurred with me over this time is currently being assembled, and I will provide him with a detailed invoice in anticipation of his prophesied bill.
Although it is bad ju-ju to make this claim, I thankfully have not yet required his "services" for any malpractice situation. Now that it is in print, tomorrow I will probably receive a summons. I can only attribute my current streak of luck to OneEar's alcohol-related memory loss.
Doug:
While I certainly appreciate your supportive comments and universal dislike for attorneys, I have to confess that I have been actively undermining OneEar's very existence for 22 years. For example, I am the one responsible (much to his ignorance and chagrin) for removing one sock, and one sock only, from many of his loads of laundry over the years. Most events in his life that he becomes frustrated by and can't understand in terms of the odds of pure chance, have had nothing to do with chance. I have been behind most of those incidents, including contributing to design flaws in disposable coffee lids which ultimately result in coffee on his tie as he drives to work. So, in summary, your kind assertion that I am somehow his "friend" may be called in to scrutiny at some point in the future. Thank you, nonetheless, for your support, and finally, who are you?
Hi Doc Bok,
You and OneEar remind me of an old married couple who know each other all too well and love each other in spite of their idiosyncrasies. After 22 years of taking bad advice, legal and otherwise, if you didn’t like him, why would you stick around? Before you go off on my making innuendos about you two being "an item", I’m not…
I wondered if mentioning malpractice might be unwise. It’s probably the “f” word for doctors.
Doug Dog is a friend of mine…please be kind and give him a gentle pat on the head occasionally.
Oh. He sure seems nice enough. Welcome, Doug.
oh, and OneEar, your so-called "Fall 1990" incident was actually recommendations made by me and followed to the letter by you in the Fall of 1989. As the Wise Alceste has taught us: Facts are Facts.
Please try to keep them facts accurate, or is your right arm funnelling stuff to your mouth which is then sent off to attack your liver and pancreas simultaneously, which then runs back and kicks your heart in the groin, only to jump start the blackouts again?
Hi Doc Bok,
Doug Dog rarely bites and he’s had all his rabies shots, so you’ve nothing to fear…
Y'all do bicker like an old married couple. A gay California couple.
Anonymous,
Your comment makes me suspicious that Bunderkraut has allowed his spouse access to his blog.
OneEar,
As I feared, you have officially besmirched my reputation. See what 'Anonymous' wrote?
Anonymous,
Don't be such a wuss. Show us who you are. Or are you Bunderkraut in disguise, once again too retarded to log in?
Alas, "anonymous" may be related to me.
Litzi, an enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Dog, there are only two lawyer jokes. The rest are true.
Anon, you are way off base. Only one of us is a gay Californian.
Hi Dok Bok and Oneear,
In reference to Doc Bok’s question, I am an old geezer who retired four years ago from being a computer programmer for more years than I can remember. I discovered blogging, and have been at it for less than one month. Found that I really enjoy your site, but am having difficulty discerning who’s who; I’m working on it by reading some of your previous blogs and their associated comments. Good stuff!!!
Annie Ominous a.k.a. Anonymous,
You really don’t like Californians, do you? We’re really nice people, once you get to know us. The problem is we’re still trying to figure out who we are ourselves…
Peace, I think.
Hi OneEar,
OMG! What an honor to be recognized as number one fan! Squeal…squeal…squeal!!
My “inexplicable faith in the goodness of man” has been rekindled in part because of you and Doc Bok (Cocoa and Bunderwear do keep a rather low profile). Behind all the words and jibes, you’ve both given me great confidence that the next generation is decent, thoughtful, sage and will hopefully be able to reverse the mess we Baby Boomers have made of the universe. God knows there’s a hell of a lot clean up…
PEACE
Hi OneEar,
Does this mean I can resume work on electrifying the pews for the First Unichurck?
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