Working on My Latest Novel

CHAPTER 1

A guy was sitting in his office typing away at his keyboard. It was a cool day, but not too cool. His foot itched. He scratched it.

Suddenly, something happened that was very exciting!

Then, the guy decided to go get a cup of coffee and to figure out what his name would be. Let’s call him Russell, he thought to himself.

When Russell got back to his desk, he was disappointed to learn that no elves had completed his project. Damned elves. Russell never had liked elves. They were short and seemed untrustworthy.

Pretty soon, Russell fell in love with a girl. She had a nice rack. What would her name be?

Then Russell and Anastasia decided to go on an exciting adventure. It would be a road trip. They would drive Russell’s super-fast dune buggy which could also fly. If bad-guys got in Russell’s way, he would shoot them with the built-in rocket-launchers.

After they landed on a tropical beach, Russell decided to dump Anastasia. She had gotten pretty bitchy about flying too high and all of the shrapnel from the rockets. Russell told her that they could still be friends.

Just then, a native girl came out of the jungle wearing only a belt made of shells. She would do anything for a ride in Russell’s flying dune-buggy! Russell decided to surf the net for some porn using the search term “naked native girl wearing belt of shells.”

None of the hits on page 1 seemed appropriate, so Russell decided to refine his search. He would search for ”naked girls” and then refine the search with the term “shells.” Now he was getting somewhere.

After spending quite some time looking at images of naked women, Russell began to wonder about having something manufactured in the Far East. That seemed to be the way to do it. But what would he have made?

The concubines in Thailand must be ripe with STDs. Maybe they could institute some type of quality control system. The government could require weekly examinations and could provide a governmental certification of lack of disease. Russell suspected that such a certification would be very valuable, so any cost for the project should be easy to pass through to the consumers.