The First Unichurck now faces unparalleled challenges and unparalleled parallels. During this difficult time occasioned by the current no-confidence vote, leaders must be leaders and followers must be followers. It is a syllogism. Look it up.
And so, in order to further the best interests of this institution, this country, this world, this solar system, and our pin-prick piece of this universe, I must humby step aside and allow the p^ssy of this wholly Churck to be f^cked by another leader.
I hereby wholeheartedly endorse cocoa_no_gogo as the next Chancellor of the First Unichurk, and I encourage all of my followers (Litzi) to support his campaign. "The souse shall rise again!"
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21 comments:
What about beer and weiners? He's no Ron Paul. That's it; he's no Ron Paul.
Bundeskraut has no experience. Vote for change!
who is cocoa no gogo?
Hi OneEar,
I’m truly disheartened to learn you’re stepping down from the pulpit of The First Unichurck. Your deductive reasoning (I “looked it up”) in regards to the leadership is valid as far as you took it; leaders must lead and followers must follow. It’s analogous to the “sheep mentality”.
I think Chancellor Cocoa-No-GoGo (that’s a mouthful) is going to face the same challenges you did while reigning supreme. Does Cocoa have any palpable plans on how to increase the flock, which would thereby increase the profits? I’m averse to continue to dwell on the tiresome subject of needing a gimmick, but something has to be done to attract new suckers, i.e. parishioners. This undoubtedly should be Cocoa’s first priority when he officially takes over his position of control. Is he aware of my concept of electrifying the pews? Hummm….yes, Hallelujah!
Which “souse shall rise again!”?? You or Cocoa? We’ll all feel the absence of your discerning and competent skills as the commanding authority of The Churck, but look forward to the new Chancellor’s dictatorship. When does this become official??
Amen, Brother! And PEACE upon ya…
Are you suggesting that cocoa is the Raul to your Fidel?
After rereading my soliloquy, I think we could use some hip boots around here; it’s getting deep.
Chancellor Cocoa-No-GoGo,
When you take over the leadership of The First Unichurck, will you be using “The Tao of Pooh” as your sacred scriptures?
Litzi,
Did you mean boots that go to your waist, or really cool boots?
Julia, on behalf of myself and others who read our dribble, who are you (more importantly)?
Give us that answer, and perhaps Cocoa can answer yours.
Julia, the relevant question is "Why is cocoa_no_gogo?"
Litzi, the problem we have encountered with your vibrating pew concept involves the byproduct excretion of extraneous bodily fluids. The carpets are now a mess.
Sven, I prefer to think of it as sloppy seconds.
DBok, please don't scare away every female visitor.
Hi Doc Bok,
I was referring to rubber waders (like anglers don) to navigate through the muck and guck that was spewing from my mouth. However, these boots aren’t exactly fashion statements, unless you’re from the backwoods of Louisiana.
Are you aware that there was a magnitude 6.3 earthquake in Northeast Nevada early this morning? They’re getting closer…
Hi OneEar,
Coit Carpet & Drapery Cleaning, Inc. does a bang-up job of removing stains from a multitude of surfaces. Give them a call…
sorry to bust your rap, slickster
HEY LITZI!!!
I saw your vibrating pews idea on the Simpsons this evening, yet it was a rerun from years past. What gives? Don't try to convince us that you don't watch the Simpsons...nobody in the civilized world doesn't watch it. So, if in fact, you had the idea first, then I think you are owed some money from the show's creator, Matt Groening. Which you can promptly donate to the Churck, or the campaign of whichever replacement swiftly rids us of OneEar's tyrranical despotism.
Hi Doc Bok,
Are you kidding? I used to love “The Simpsons” but haven’t watched the program in years. NO LIE!! I guess I’m no longer living in the civilized world, huh? Blame it on the fog up here on the Central Coast…it does strange things to the mind.
Were the parishioners shouting out “hallelujah” as the earth moved for them? I can only imagine Bart’s reaction…Hi Carumba! Did Coit Carpet and Drapery Cleaning, Inc. come in to clean up the mess after the mass?
History is replete with stories of people living in different areas of the world that invented the same thing without knowing of the other. Maybe Matt Groening and I have overactive (kinky) imaginations that are working on parallel planes. I came up with the idea last year when OneEar was desperately trying to figure out how to attract converts to The Churck.
I thought Cocoa-No-GoGo was designated to fill OneEar’s shoes when he steps down from his porcelain throne. There are others that WANT the position? Are you a contender?
The preliminary tallies are not hopeful for me, Litzi, nor do I really feel able to take that un-coveted position within the Churck. I can't really drink at work, so I probably don't qualify. I am also discouraged from treating part-time employees as only semi-human. The poor outlook for me as a viable contender has only been reinforced by my own vote for someone else.
As far as Cocoa is concerned, I think his campaign has really been marred by a lot of hype, so were he to take over, the expectations for his performance would be excessive--even by his definitions. He would be highly likely to let us all down. Again. We've seen this over and over again in the last couple of decades when he has been in charge of various Rusty's. They have been some of the worst ever.
He also appears to be neck-in-neck at the moment with Bunderkraut. What can we say about Bunderkraut as a potential Churck Chancellor? Not much. Under "apathy" in the dictionary, you might see a picture of Bunderkraut, if only he cared enough to show up to the photo shoot. He does not. I think the strategists would agree that one of the biggest problems with a potential Bunderkrautian Churck would be his complete failure to even read this Blog. Communication is key to any job, but old Bunder thinks if you just ignore that itchy crotch rash, it will eventually go away and not get on your Blackberry. Do we want someone with an itchy crotch ignoring our absolutely fabulous witticisms? Think about it.
Hi Doc Bok,
When you stated you “can’t really drink at work”, I assume you were referring to the profession where you took the hypocrite oath to medicate and placate your fellow human beings?
Cocoa impresses me as being rather shy and reclusive. This could be his blog persona (what little I’ve seen of it), when in reality he’s a total party animal. The Churck needs a dynamic, “in your face” dictator/Chancellor, like OneEar has proven to be over the years. Would Cocoa be capable of riding herd on his minions with an iron fist and constantly reminding them of their lowly status?
If Bunderkraut takes over with a military coup, I hope he considers shortening his name. It’s a lovely moniker, but difficult to spell and probably worse to try to pronounce. Don’t you have something in your bag of tricks or medicine cabinet that could cure his jock itch once in for all? Maybe some Gold Bond Maximum Strength Medicated Anti-Itch Cream would help. Does Bunderkraut have cooties as well? The Churck could conceivably be crawling with microscopic bacteria, viruses, fungi, and protozoa that would cause a pandemic for the parishioners. Perhaps you better reconsider running for Chancellor; at least the Churck will be will be free from sepsis, putrefaction and decay.
You could run on the Antiseptic Platform. Cleanliness is next to Rustyness.
Doc Bok, do you ever get to wipe people's genitalia with alcohol swabs? Just curious.
Hi Dock Bok,
I've wondered about that too...
only if they ask me to. They usually don't.
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